A Korean in an American Wedding Ceremony

Last Updated on April 29, 2025

Back in October of 2011, when Jae-oo and I were first married, we were in Busan, South Korea, and had opted for a very traditional Korean wedding, with hanboks, ceremonial bowing, and all. Recently, though, we celebrated our one-year anniversary and talked about that American wedding ceremony instead, since that was the date we chose to celebrate each year.

At the time, many things about the American wedding felt so normal to me, what a wedding should be, but they were quite unfamiliar to him. Those memories came flooding back as we reminisced.

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These days in Korea, many couples opt for what I can only describe as the fast-food version of an American wedding. On the surface, it looks similar, but if you’ve attended one, you know it’s not at all the same as a wedding in the U.S.

You arrive to a ceremony already in progress, belonging to the couple just before your friends. When they finish, their guests file out, and your party files in. Nothing about the setup, tables, linens, flowers, is changed between weddings. There’s no rehearsal, so during the ceremony, wedding hall staff physically direct the bride and groom where to stand and when to bow.

After the brief ceremony, everyone lines up for the wedding buffet, the same one every couple and guest will eat from throughout the day. And once your hour is up, everyone leaves. There’s usually no bouquet toss, no first dance, no toasts, and none of the personalized moments that are hallmarks of weddings in the U.S.

That sameness is one reason we chose a traditional Korean ceremony. I didn’t want a watered-down version of an American wedding when I knew we’d be having a real one three months later. By making each wedding experience completely different, we avoided comparisons, they were incomparable by design.

That’s not to say Korean wedding halls are bad. In fact, they’re more affordable and far less stressful, with pre-set packages that simplify the entire process. But I had dreams of planning every detail, of making it uniquely mine and I couldn’t do that in Korea.

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Experiencing an American Wedding Through New Eyes

The first thing Jae-oo noticed in the States was the sheer number of parties surrounding the wedding. There was an engagement party, a bachelor party, a bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, a bridal luncheon, and even a post-wedding brunch. All of them were packed into the single week we had before the wedding. For someone used to the simplicity of a one-day Korean wedding, it was a lot.

There were more gifts, too. Korea’s system of giving money in envelopes and recording it in a guest book is brilliant, honestly. I had so many scraps of paper in the U.S. with names, gifts, and notes to remind myself to write thank-you cards. I felt a bit awkward that we didn’t do that in Korea, but Jae-oo assured me it wasn’t expected, and I suppose that’s true. I’ve never received a thank-you note from anyone after giving a wedding gift in Korea either.

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The Ceremony That Felt Like “The One”

As soon as our Sigur Rós entrance music began to play, I was crying, and so was he. We later told each other that this ceremony felt like the one that truly united us. Our Korean wedding had been ceremonial, but this one was emotional. Wearing my mother’s wedding dress, surrounded by family, with carefully chosen readings and music, made this our wedding.

I walked down the aisle too quickly (as many brides apparently do), and unexpectedly went straight to my mom. Maybe it was the little girl in me, needing her in that moment. She took my hand and led me to Jae-oo, who held on tightly while we waited for the song to finish.

We included readings from Dr. Seuss, Kahlil Gibran, and prayers from Buddhist, Christian, Native American, and Muslim texts. It was a ceremony that reflected us—a blend of cultures and beliefs, creating something uniquely beautiful.

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Reception Revelations

I hadn’t explained some of the small traditions to Jae-oo, and they caught him off guard. As soon as guests started clinking their glasses with their forks, I leaned in and whispered that he was expected to kiss me every time he heard that sound. He didn’t ask why, he just went for it. Later, someone clinked again and I saw him across the room, waiting for his cue.

Then came the cake cutting. I hadn’t planned for it and didn’t know where to start. Jae-oo took the knife and sliced from the top tier straight down to the bottom. I later found out we were supposed to save the top tier… but we wouldn’t have been able to bring it back to Korea anyway, so oh well.

When it came time for the garter toss, the MC led me to a chair on the dance floor and brought Jae-oo over. He knelt down, looked at me, and asked, “What are we doing?” I whispered that there was a string around my thigh he needed to remove. Without hesitation, he did. Even though he’d seen the MC’s schedule, much like the Korean ceremony for me, the actual moments weren’t entirely clear to him.

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The Fun (and Confusion) on the Dance Floor

Most of the culture shock happened on the dance floor. When “Shout!” started playing and everyone hit the floor during the “a little bit softer now” part, Jae-oo wasn’t alone in his confusion. My sister’s Australian boyfriend stood tall while the rest of the crowd practically lay on the ground. He later said Australians don’t do that.

Despite all the little confusions, Jae-oo and his two Korean friends couldn’t stop talking about how fun the reception was. It was something they’d never experienced—celebrating into the night with a hundred of my family members. And for me, those little moments, those cultural quirks, only made the day more memorable.

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We were celebrating the wedding I had dreamed of. And in every dance, every kiss, every confused glance that turned into a laugh, I was sharing something deeply personal with Jae-oo. I was sharing my culture, my joy, and my love.