Dating In Korea: How I Snagged a Korean Musician
Dating in Korea might be a bit different than whatever you’re used to. I’m not sure what you’re used to, but I can say none of it is as romantic as it is in Korean dramas. I think that should be obvious already, but for some reason, a lot of foreign women in Korea don’t seem to get that.
Just like American dramas, dating in the US isn’t the same as a drama or as hilarious as in the sitcoms. You can find your partner in Korea, but you might not.
Dating in Korea can be different. Here are some things to expect:
- Expect the unexpected
- What is “sogaeting”?
- Who pays when you’re on a date in Korea?
- Is PDA okay in Korea?
- Constant communication
- Couple rings, couple clothes, couple things
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Expect the unexpected
This probably won’t be what you are expecting. I won’t be teaching you how to snag a Korean musician though the title of this article would suggest just that. Over the years of sharing my life on public platforms, I have gotten quite a few messages all along similar lines.
- You’re so luck you are married to a Korean musician!
- How did you meet a Korean musician?
- How can I date a Korean guy?
- How can I get married to a Korean man?
- How can I get married to a Korean idol?
These questions remind me of the journalist from the Korea Times that interviewed me and asked why expat women didn’t want to date Korean men. The questions have this underlying idea that all men, all Korean men, all Korean musicians are the same and therefore I can answer these questions with one simple answer. It also comes off really fetishist and gross.
I never went to Korea to find a partner. Was I bound to date a Korean man? Sure, when in proximity to the Korean population, it just makes sense. These days though, it seems like more women are headed to Korea IN ORDER TO find a Korean man to marry. That’s just… ew if you ask me.
What is “sogaeting”?
I’m often asked if my husband and I met through sogaeting (소개팅). A common way that Koreans meet each other is through their friends or family that know them well. Basically, your friend or family introduces you and acts as a reference for that person. Ideally, you’d have a good friend do this.
My husband and I met through a mutual friend but it wasn’t sogaeting. We were just all out drinking together. I met some musicians from Busan my first year in Korea and they introduced me to more musicians and that’s how I met my husband.
If you want to know how we started, here’s how it went: cheap drinks, cheap dates, and lots of time together.
Who pays when you’re on a date in Korea?
Think about a date in rounds. Generally, the man will pay for the first round on the date in Korea which is dinner or the main meal. The woman would then pay at the second round, which might be a cafe for dessert.
When my husband and I first started dating, I taught my husband the phrase “sugar mama”. He wasn’t some big star and spent most of his money on just surviving in Seoul. Seoul musicians are much more likely to still reside with their parents and don’t have to pay for much. The Busan guys, on the other hand, were supporting themselves from the get go up in Seoul.
I was a sugar mama in the beginning though. I liked to go out and in my first couple of years in Korea, it wasn’t uncommon for me to spend a couple hundred bucks while I was out on the town with friends. Now, I think that’s absurd because if you go out Korean style, you definitely don’t have to spend that much.
At the time though, my friends and I opted for the western style bars and pubs and drinks that were far too expensive. My boyfriend had been living for years on an indie musician’s salary and was rather frugal. His band would have more concerts during the summer and then make that money last all winter until the next summer of gigs. He’d go out with friends, but not the way my friends and I went out. I got used to drinking beer outside of convenience stores with him, which is perfectly acceptable in Korea.
We’d go to bars where we knew the owner because he played in the establishment and get free drinks. The experience dating him was a lesson in moderation and romance on a dime. I’ve never been one to spend all that much money but, like most expats new to Korea, I was getting my first monthly checks instead of hourly checks from part-time jobs I’d had while in school and everything was just so cheap and new.
Some nights I just wanted to go out listen to loud music and dance. If we were headed there, I knew I would be, and had no qualms with, paying for him to come with me. I’d rather be with him than not. It wasn’t too long though before they got their big break and were introduced to a TV producer that liked their music.
Now, Every Single Day has written and produced music for multiple Korean dramas from their first being Pasta to other big ones including I Hear Your Voice, Golden Time, My Princess and so many more. I’m not so much a sugar mama anymore but that’s how we started to some extent.
Is PDA okay in Korea?
I’m not a big PDA person myself, but there was a day when my husband, then boyfriend, mentioned that he was slightly uncomfortable. I would kiss him “hello” and “goodbye”, nothing crazy, just a peck. When he brought it up, I explained I hadn’t even thought about it because it was so natural to me. I kiss my mom, grandma, aunts, uncles. We’re a kissy huggy family.
Anyway, he said that he didn’t mind the hello and goodbye kisses generally, however, if an older Korean person was nearby, that’s when he was uncomfortable. Holding hands and walking down the street is completely normal, but kissing isn’t for everyone. After that, I was a bit more aware of who was around us.
Constant communication
Korean partners are pretty big communicators. I’ll go as far as saying a bit too much though. I remember a very specific conversation I had when we were dating where I told him if he messaged me so constantly throughout the day, I’d have nothing to say when we talked in the evening.
From morning to evening, there are constant messages and it was way too much for me personally. The great thing though, was that he was very receptive to that and said actually, he thought that’s what women expected as his Korean girlfriends seemed to so he was fine now to stress about it.
I said no stress, we can message in the evening and see how that goes. It’s one of my biggest tips though when you’re dating someone, especially in a multicultural relationship is to be open with communication and share your thoughts so you can compromise.
Couple rings, couple clothes, couple things
Lots of couples holidays
Couples show that they’re couples in Korea in a variety of ways. With a couple’s holiday every month of the year and a few more on top of that, there’s plenty of ways to show you’re romantically involved.
Couples clothes
Couples also show they’re couples by wearing matching clothes. Not everyone gets into the pastime but, plenty do that’s for sure. Whether it’s matching t-shirts, phone cases, or shoes, matching is definitely in style in Korea when you’re dating.
Couples rings
While I expected to get a ring when we were engaged, in Korea, it’s common to have a ring when you’re dating to show you’re in a relationship. This is usually something that you get on the 100th day to show you’re official. Learn more about couples rings in Korea.
- kkday Custom Ring Making at Ring University in Seoul: If you’re looking to create your own customized ring, there are some fun opportunities to do that in Seoul. This is a good option to sign up on kkday.
- Klook Handmade Ring Making Workshop: Klook has a good option to visit the Hongdae Ring Village whether it’s just for a souvenir or your couple rings.
Dating a musician certainly has perks though from free concert tickets and backstage passes at festivals. I like getting backstage to use the bathrooms the most. With less people, they’re always much cleaner than the ones with the masses.
He doesn’t work crazy long hours and has always had ample time to spend with me. Quality time together is a must for us. If you’re just in it for those perks though, I’d tell you to slow down, back up and think about what you really want out of life. Can I tell you how to get a Korean boyfriend though? No. And that shouldn’t be why you’re coming to Korea anyway.
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One Comment
Shelley @Travel-Stained
You’ll always be a sugar mama to me… 😉