The Ugly Truth About Being Married To A Korean Musician

From basically having a soundtrack playing to my life every day to fan girls not understanding boundaries, here is the good, the bad and the ugly about being married to a Korean indie musician. Sure, my husband may not be a K-pop idol, but he does have a fan club that attend his concerts without fail and does travel around South Korea and abroad playing gigs, concerts, and festivals throughout the year.

I get a lot of questions about how I met a musician in Korea, what it’s like living together and while I’m not really interested in answering ALL of your prying answers, I’ll answer some here and there if you stay tuned and pay attention. Are you ready?

You may think you know… but you have no idea… I don’t tend to write personal posts about what it’s like to be married to a Korean man or what it’s like to be a foreigner married to a Korean guy, but this is as close as you’ll get. 

• The Good
• The Bad
• The Ugly

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The Good

Music, music, and more music

If you don’t like music playing at all hours of the day and night, I wouldn’t suggest marrying a musician. If my husband isn’t playing something on his guitar, practicing or composing, editing some songs on his computer or just listening to music for fun or inspiration, then something is probably wrong.

The cool thing is that means I basically have a real life soundtrack playing to my life and daily routine. You can imagine how much fun that can be. This definitely goes for all musicians and not just Korean musicians. It’s just a musical life and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Free entrance into concerts, festivals, and more

Who doesn’t love getting into concerts, festivals and events for free not to mention getting backstage at the aforementioned? Not this girl. While getting backstage can be good and a lovely perk of being married to a musician, it also comes with some strings attached. While I would love to snap photos of the other bands and ask for photos with them backstage, I have to maintain some composure and give them some privacy.

If prompted, I never say no to snapping a photo, but I’m not usually one to ask. I have found that some fans can go above and beyond invading privacy so, I very purposefully do NOT post pictures of the guys or their friends when they are just hanging out unless I’ve asked them first.

My husband has a 20 year career as an indie artist in Korea, most of that with his band Every Single Day, and because of that he knows a ton of other artists, musicians, producers and so on and I would never want to be the wife that posts about where they meet for drinks or what they do on their free weekends. As much as I know that those posts would probably be a big draw for a certain group of people, it’s just not my jam.

Afterparties with famous people

I also get to hear about and sometimes attend the after parties for TV dramas because my husband also writes and produces music for some awesome Korean tv dramas you’ve probably seen. And yes, that means I get to meet some super famous Korean actors. Did you see the drama “Pasta”? I did and loved those main actors. Didn’t you?

I know where they’ll be and when… but you won’t get the deets from me. (That said, it can’t be that hard to figure out where they are though, because there is always a crowd waiting outside these events so there’s definitely someone giving out the who, what, where and when.)

Free Stuff

Granted the freebies aren’t for me, but sometimes I can get in on ’em. Free t-shirts, bags, shoes, stickers, oh my! My husband gets free music equipment and guitars, too. While being an indie musician means that you may have to give up as far as luxuries go, (how many indie musicians do you know making bank?) people, companies, and concert organizers are pretty cool people to work with and they like helping the guys out, especially if they’ll wear said t-shirt or use said guitar on stage at their next concert, or just take a pic and post it on their Facebook Page. My husband is a very frugal and money-responsible guy so he gets excited about a free bottle of milk if it’s given. Still, it’s fun to get free stuff.

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The Bad

Goodbye Summer Vacations

Growing up, one of the main reasons to look forward to summer, not just that there was no school, was because that meant summer trips, vacations with swimming in pools and at beaches. When you’re married to a musician you can say goodbye to summer vacations even though this country is surrounded by some pretty stunning beaches. Summer is of course the big festival and concert season. Everyone wants to get out and enjoy the summer which means that we have to give up on some of those summer vacation dreams.

Doesn’t stop me from visiting the coasts of Korea at least once, but still… Bali? Sydney? Thailand? Probably out of the question unless I want to go alone. Of course, that doesn’t mean we don’t get some fun summer adventures. When the band is playing at the annual Busan Rock Festival, we get to spend a couple days down in Busan and I always add something a little touristy or beachy.

Late “Meeting” Times

I can’t say if this is a universal thing, but it is pretty standard for Korea; “meetings” often happen in the evenings leading into the nights and may not end until early morning. I say “meeting” because to me, it’s not a meeting if you’re getting drunk while you may possibly talk work.

Musicians in Korea have to hustle and if a director, producer, fellow band member wants to talk business, that means whatever they want. Really, it’s not just the musicians that deal with this. Koreans in companies do too when their higher-ups when to get a drink, there’s really no option. Whatever they want usually means lots of alcohol and a drunk husband stumbling home at odd hours. How often these meetings happen is really up to the husband and his personality though. Mine, fortunately, doesn’t really like these events and tries to opt out as much as possible. If you’re in Korea and have to attend a work meeting, be prepared! And, if you do end up out, then just know there are some awesome hangover cures in Korea too.

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The Ugly

Marriage secrecy

It happens a lot in Korea whether it’s musicians or actors, when they’re dating or getting married, or even married, it’s kept secret. I’ve been told this is because the fans like to be able to picture themselves with the musicians or actors and therefore, if they’re with someone else it’s a huge turn off for fans. Also, fans can get super possessive. This has been seen again and again when it is announced that some famous Korean actor or musician is to be wed.

When did the fan club find out about me? There was a fan club meeting at a restaurant and I was with friends and told, not by my husband mind you but by the bandmates, that I should NOT come. I’m not a fan of secrecy of any kind and while I respected the request, when my husband said it was fine to come, I popped right over.

And yes, some of the fan club members literally turned from facing me to not facing me after they found out who I was. I was taken aback for sure. That said, there was a fantastic group of ladies in the fan club that I befriended over the years and really enjoyed hanging out with at every concert.

Fans overstepping boundaries

There’s just something about musicians, isn’t there? I may not exactly understand everything being said around the table or after concerts with fans, but I think a girl putting her hand on your man’s thigh is pretty universal. My husband said he didn’t even notice though he probably just said that to calm me down. My reaction: stand up, let’s go, see ya fans. I’m not going to make a scene, but I will remove myself and my husband from any situation where there’s a female fan that doesn’t understand boundaries.

Unfortunately in Korea, there are a ton of fans that don’t know boundaries and musicians often opt not to even let their fans know when they’re dating or married because of this. What my subsequent plan of action was though was to befriend the “leaders” and “mainstays” of his band’s fan club. These girls show up to every concert and every festival and I know if I have them on my side, even if I’m not there, they’ll keep an eye out. I don’t care how drunk you are, how pretty you think you are, how nice my husband is or anything else, you don’t check yourself, we’re going to have problems.

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Is it awesome being married to a Korean musician? Sure, there are some good things about it, but it’s not all roses and caviar or whatever that expresses is. In general, I would say for me personally, most things are good, if not great with my husband. Additionally, just so there is no misunderstanding: I absolutely did NOT marry my husband because he is a Korean musician.

It is amazing and so beautiful to see him up on stage completely enjoying and immersed in what he does for a living though because you just don’t see people often at work and loving it as much as he does.

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