My Korean Husband (๋‚˜์˜ ํ•œ๊ตญ์ธ ๋‚จํŽธ)

A Korean Deals with Sarcasm

The second time he came home with me, it was summer and everyone was more comfortable. Jae-oo knew where things were in the house and could get them on his own, though he still wanted me to help him find things in the kitchen, and my family was now comfortable enough to wear pajamas in front of him in the morning. With guards let down, it was inevitable that this would be the first time to really see if there was any discomfort between people without the fake โ€˜nice to meet youโ€™ smiles on. The novelty of dating a foreigner had somewhat rubbed off and people were starting to act natural in front of him.

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Dallas, Texas: Family

We celebrated Independence Day with fireworks as usual and hopped on a plane down to Dallas, Texas. One of my cousins lives down there and it was decided that we would have a cousinโ€™s getaway with most of the cousins in attendance. Boyfriends were invited as well, mostly because the majority of cousins are female and if Jae-oo and our one male cousin old enough to come were coming they might need some other guys to hang out with. We ended up with a group of eleven people. The trip would be spent on a family ranch outside of Dallas swimming, playing games, drinking and catching a rodeo.


Dallas, Texas: Family Dallas, Texas: Family


As I mentioned, the novelty of dating a foreigner had somewhat rubbed off by the second trip, though my family still enjoyed teaching Jae-oo somewhat unnecessary English slang. I wake up one morning and ask how he is and he tells me heโ€™s โ€œstarvinโ€™ like Marvinโ€. Well, thatโ€™s a completely okay response to the question, but really? Of all the terms he could be taught, someone in my family decided to teach him that one? That wasnโ€™t nearly as bad as โ€˜whootyโ€™ though, which really held on for quite some time in his vocabulary. At the time, there was some popular song with the word โ€˜whootyโ€™ in it. I had never heard the word and couldnโ€™t explain what it meant so they explained that it was a song about โ€˜a white girl with a bootyโ€™. Jae-oo came back to Korea that year thinking he could put any letters on to the front of โ€“ooty to make up a different kind of girl with a booty. โ€œIs that a Kooty?โ€ he asked motioning towards a girl across the street, โ€œA Korean girl with a booty?โ€, he asked laughing as he went. โ€œWhat about Jooty? A Japanese girl with a booty.โ€


Dallas, Texas: Family


It was all fun and games until we actually started playing games. My family is fiercely competitive. There are the few people that donโ€™t mind winning or losing, but once put onto a team the competitive nature takes over. I think most people are competitive, but my family takes it to another level. Each family has a game closet with just about every board game you could think of and weโ€™ve played them all. We know just about every card game you could want to play and probably a few more. The favorites include euchre, a Midwestern favorite, Hearts, Spoons and Rummy. I grew up playing Scrabble and Backgammon with my grandmother and she never once โ€˜letโ€™ me win. Board games like Cranium are a perfect family team game with everything from charades, singing, Pictionary, and facts to acting. On this particular trip down to Dallas, this was the first game chosen.


Dallas, Texas: Family


Jae-oo has seen my competitive streak often enough in Korea, but I donโ€™t think he had yet seen it in a situation with like-minded competitive people. In Korea, his friends never get together to play games. Iโ€™m always trying to get them to, because thatโ€™s what I think is fun, but they donโ€™t like to look awkward or silly in front of each other so itโ€™s rough. If you canโ€™t be awkward or silly in front of your friends, then who can you be awkward and silly in front of? I had to be the goof and do every round of charades one time for his friends because they didnโ€™t want to look dumb, so I did. With my family, thatโ€™s not the case. The games are fast paced and a newcomer can be very easily overwhelmed, and not just because Jae-oo is a Korean was it difficult, but just the situation. Many a boyfriend introduced to my family has tried to quietly back out of these games once he realizes what it is heโ€™s about to get into. Jae-oo was not so lucky.


Dallas, Texas: Family


One piercing memory from that first game together was of my sister making a sarcastic comment about Jae-oo needing to look everything up in the dictionary, or ask someone about every phrase on the Charades/Pictionary cards.

Jae-oo didnโ€™t realize how rude it was, but I did and it wasnโ€™t until another one of my cousins said, โ€œCan I take five minutes to go in the other room with someone to explain this to me too?โ€ that I about leapt out of my chair. No one else in my family teaches ESL or spends that much time with entire groups of foreigners or people who speak English with different accents. Though everyone is pretty well traveled, theyโ€™ve been taught their whole lives, like most Americans, that we are the best and to be honest, traveling around the world has shown me that so many other cultures know much more about mine than I do about theirs. America has truly infiltrated the world, but thereโ€™s still a lack in pop-culture knowledge that we take for granted. How was Jae-oo to know that Saved by the Bell was a TV show? He tried to literally act out the words. Words and phrases like โ€˜catโ€™s cradleโ€™, or IHOP, or Hot Potato can be difficult for a non-native speaker with no basis for these words to make sense. Sure, he could act out a hot potato, which is what he did and it worked, but some of them arenโ€™t so easy. Why do sausage and gravy go together? For us this is a common breakfast item on any breakfast menu, but he was picturing German sausages and potato gravy and couldnโ€™t understand why they were together as a clue.


Dallas, Texas: Family


I told my sister to shut her mouth and of course a whole thing happened.

Jae-oo ended up upstairs pretty upset by the incident and felt bad that he didnโ€™t understand so many of the words and phrases. I comforted him and told him it wasnโ€™t his fault and next time we all get together Iโ€™ll try to get everyone to play a game that is more about numbers or strategy, like a card game, than words and phrases. He didnโ€™t want to play anymore games was his decision. It took us quite a long time to convince him to play any game with us after that. He told me that he didnโ€™t even know why I had gotten so upset with my sister and when I explained what she had said and then what my cousin had said he felt even worse that he couldnโ€™t even tell when someone was being rude. He also thought that I started talking a lot faster when I was in the midst of the argument so that he couldnโ€™t understand what I was saying on purpose, which was not the case at all. I think everyone starts talking faster when upset and arguing. It was in this conversation that he told me of some other occasions when he had done something and someone in my family had made a comment like, โ€œoh, well of course that doesnโ€™t go thereโ€ and moved it, or โ€œwhy would you do this when you could have done that?โ€ and he realized it was all sarcastic and became uncomfortable and needed a break upstairs away from everyone for a bit.


Dallas, Texas: Family


Later downstairs, after I had calmed down from the incident I hadnโ€™t thought ahead of, I sat down with my sister and told her that sarcasm is extremely difficult for foreigners to understand and that Jae-oo can tell what sheโ€™s saying, but can be confused by her tone. My whole family is sarcastic and they donโ€™t really think about how it sounds. I really had to cut back on my sarcasm when I moved to Korea, but they havenโ€™t. I told her that I was sorry I became so defensive, but that I knew Jae-oo wasnโ€™t going to say anything, even if he had understood, and that since Iโ€™ve brought him to be with my family and sheโ€™s in my family she needed to help support him not tear him down. Itโ€™s hard enough for him to be surrounded by English 24/7 when he isnโ€™t used to it, not to mention extremely exhausting and adding more pressure by making fun of him for not understanding something doesnโ€™t help. She hadnโ€™t realized some of the comments she had made and hadnโ€™t intended for them. It was eye opening for both of us and all of the cousins I think.


Dallas, Texas: Family


Since that trip, Iโ€™ve noticed how truly protective and caring everyone in my family can be. There have been more trips since then, and each time it makes me almost cry with happiness when I see my sisters standing up for Jae-oo like he really is their brother. They donโ€™t hesitate to tell people where heโ€™s from proudly or explain something to him when itโ€™s clear he doesnโ€™t understand. They take him aside and help him if he needs it and they stand up to other people that make obnoxious comments. Itโ€™s truly heartwarming every time and it makes me love my family even more for accepting him as much as they have and supporting us both.


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