Funny Stories From Dating A Korean Man

When you watch Korean dramas or get into K-pop, you might start to think that Korean men are really romantic. The stories in dramas have made women the world over swoon and it seems now women are literally traveling to Korea to find love. It’s easy to start to believe that Koreans in general are super romantic. Did you know, for example, that there are 15 couple related unofficial holidays in Korea?

With pictures that flood the internet of couple dressed in couple’s clothing and the Hallyu Wave that has swept the world, Korean men are now romanticized but should you fall for this storyline?

They say Korean men are romantic… or maybe that’s just in dramas. You be the judge:

• What is dating a Korean man like?
• Romanic couple’s holidays in Korea
• Do Korean couples really celebrate all of the romantic holidays?
• Do I think Korean men are romantic?

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What is dating a Korean man like?

To be perfectly honest, love comes in all sizes, shapes, and forms and when I first arrived in Korea, the country wasn’t nearly as romanticized as it is now. Korea rarely showed up in the news or on sitcoms in 2006 unless it was to talk about North Korea so I arrived with very little idea of what Korea and Koreans were like. I think it’s very important to understand that there isn’t one size fits all and not all Korean men are the same and certainly plenty of them aren’t romantic at all. 

Case in point:

Way back when my husband and I first started dating in 2008, our 100 days landed on Christmas Eve. Both 100 days and Christmas Eve are considered super romantic couple’s days in Korea. Having been in Korea long enough at that point, I knew this was a double whammy but I had never celebrated either day the way a Korean couple would so I didn’t quite know what to expect.

My expectations were neither high nor low but there were expectations and my, now, husband basically bombed the entire thing. I had depended on him to show me the ropes and that is just not what happened at all…

While we weren’t the couple ring exchanging type, which is one way to celebrate the first 100 day-versary, I was a “take a romantic dinner when I can get it” sort of girl, but I guess I never vocalized that to him. (Biggest take away from my experience –> Always communicate expectations.)

We set off in search of a restaurant that I assumed would be darkly lit and have wine and other aphrodisiac type items on the menu. Isn’t that what most people think of for a romantic meal? No? We ended up in a brightly lit Teriyaki restaurant where we lined up and got our food on a school cafeteria tray. Maybe it was a hipster joint or a deliciously inspired throwback, but it didn’t have any of the romantic necessities clearly spelled out in every romantic chick-flick you’ve ever watched. My husband always has and probably always will be the logistical guy in the room.

Later, I remember him remarking that there were numerous restaurants that could have worked for the aesthetic I was picturing but because it was Christmas Eve all of their menus were priced higher than normal knowing couples would be out in full force. He basically thought it was all a sham and wanted to save us a buck. I get it now… but at the time, I wasn’t happy and I definitely spelled it out to him at the end of that uninspired “romantic” holiday.

The what would be considered romantic holidays in Korea continued to go by and my boyfriend, now husband, stumbled through every one of them. I hadn’t heard that Korean men were romantic as a stereotype until after I started dating him and then upon hearing it, I laughed out loud. While he’s not unromantic, he certainly has to be led to the occasion of being romantic.

While Korean men in dramas are shown to be romantic in so many ways, in Korea there are Korean husband stereotypes which are all very negative. How do you get from one to the other? Where were all of these stereotypes coming from?

I think the romantic stereotype has come in large part from the wave of dramas that aren’t focused on Korean history and family life but on dating life. Even in movies and dramas from the west, we can see these over the top  proclamations of love and so it’s no surprise online there are numerous stories about romantic Koreans today.

That said… it seems because people in the west just don’t know much about Koreans or Korean culture, they seem to actually believe in the romanticism even though they look side eye at the chick flicks from their own country. When you watch a TV drama in the States, you know it’s a drama right? Why then think Korean dramas are not?

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Romantic couple’s holidays in Korea

Do you want to celebrate the romantic holidays the way Koreans do? Well… the way some Koreans do… Here’s 12 to look out for if you start dating a Korean person. Be prepared! You can learn more about them in this guide to the romantic couples holidays in South Korea.

• January 14: Diary Day
  • Couple buy each other cute daily planners for the year so they can plan all of the days they will be together.
• February 14: Valentine’s Day
  • The woman in the relationship buys the man gifts and showers him with kisses. Don’t get confused ladies, your holiday will come next.
• March 14: White Day
  • Now it’s the guy’s turn to shower the girl with all of the romantic gestures he can muster.
• April 14: Black Day
  • This isn’t for the couples in love instead, it’s for the singles out there. Single friends get together, eat a bowl of noodles in black sauce and celebrate being single/ brood over lovers lost.
• May 14: Rose Day/ Yellow Day
  • Couples exchange roses and dress up in yellow clothes because… why  not?
• June 14: Kiss Day
  • Should be obvious what happens on this day.
• July 14: Silver Day
  • Couples exchange silver accessories, the highest one being silver rings meaning it’s a match made in heaven.
• August 14: Green Day
  • Couples can be eco-friendly and get back out into nature on this day while the single counterparts are drinking down the soju from those lovely green bottles. Everyone wins!
• September 14: Photo Day
  • Because people aren’t taking enough selfies as it is, here is a day to take as many pictures of yourself with your lover as you can.
• October 14: Wine Day
  • Again, another holiday that should have events that are obvious by the name of the day.
• November 14: Movie Day
  • Get to the movie theater early on this day or you’ll be left standing on the curb with no tickets in hand because every other couple has the same idea as you.
• December 14: Hug Day
  • To wrap up the year, give your loved one a big hug and you’ve hit all of the “special” couple holidays on the Korean couple’s calendar.

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Do Korean couples really celebrate all of the romantic holidays?

Some might, but in my experience with my husband and his friends, it seems they’re largely celebrated by young couples. Much like abroad, teenage couples are all about those little holidays whereas older couples aren’t in many ways.

Case in point:

We’re living together now in our first apartment. It’s small but suits us as we don’t need much space. We literally shared a bed that was slightly larger than a twin but not a full queen for two years but it’s one of those things that if we were in a movie, they’d show lovingly in flashbacks. We’re in love and in a small apartment and loving it and Valentine’s Day comes along.

I no longer have huge expectations for the romantic holidays BUT I’ve been teaching my boyfriend slowly but surely. I roll out of the bed and head into the bathroom to find one of those Ferrero Rocher bell shaped towers of chocolate sitting… on the toilet lid. I went to the bathroom, went back into the bed and just went to sleep. No, chocolate on a toilet lid is NOT romantic. Not sure what to do after seeing that, I wasn’t really interested in talking about it either.

A bit later, I roll over to see Jae-oo staring at me with his big eyes excitedly. “Did you see it?” he says. “What?” “The chocolate,” he continues with a sound of giddiness in his voice. “I knew the first place you’d go in the morning was the bathroom so I put it there to surprise you,” he explained.

AH HA! Yes, logical husband strikes again. Lesson to teach my husband after that… nothing romantic should be in the bathroom… ever. Especially not on the toilet. By the way, there are plenty of ways to be romantic for Valentine’s Day in Seoul. This just isn’t one of them.

Case in point:

Years have passed and by now I’ve hammered into my husband’s head that while I don’t need much, some Hershey’s chocolate on Valentine’s Day and a bucket of strawberries on my birthday will make this girl swoon. I’m trying on my pre-pregnancy clothes after I had our daughter.

I had gotten a pair of pants on and thought they were snug but thought maybe they’d work. I generally don’t ask my husband how things look unless obviously I’m fishing for a compliment but that has backfired more times than I can count as he just shoots for honesty at every turn and apparently honestly I’m a hot mess half the time.

Looking at the pants he responded:

“Well, you have an 80% camel toe so you probably shouldn’t wear them.”

I didn’t even want a 20% camel toe and in relating the story to my sisters later that evening, I found the whole thing hilarious. One of my sisters said if her husband ever responded like that, he’d be kicked out of the house so fast his head would spin. Any response other than, “you look great,” and he’d be wishing he just kept his mouth shut.

In the end, I appreciated his honesty. Did I know the pants were snug? Sure. But was I considering walking out of the house in them? Yes. So, it’s a good thing he stopped me. While telling anyone that I had a camel toe and that my husband had to stop me from walking out of the house with it should probably be embarrassing, I say it because dating someone that speaks your language as a second language, while they may sound romantic, will also probably say some pretty blunt not-so-romantic statements because it’s hard to translate romance.

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Do I think Korean men are romantic?

Why do I relate these tales of romance with my husband? Because Korean TV dramas are like dramas everywhere, they are purposefully dramatic. Also, Korean girls are probably more romantic than the guys. They are the ones, after all, reminding the guys when the romantic holidays are and deciding which couples outfit they will be wearing that day. If anything, I’d say Korean guys are just more apt to have fun with the whole matchy matchy outfit idea and are just as into the selfie inspired photos as the girls are.

He may not be romantic, but he’s all mine and he’ll tell me like it is camel-toe or no camel-toe.

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